batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
