4 words: hood of his car
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
