i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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