ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
