You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
