Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
