Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
