i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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