I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
