Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
