oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
