Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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