It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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