Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
