just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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