We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
