A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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