..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
