Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
