i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
