Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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