it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So vagazzling was a success
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
