alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
