On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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