dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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