Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
