it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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