I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
