He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
