he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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