Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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