You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
