peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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