It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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