Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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