she woke up with a sticky ear
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
