i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
