Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
