i don't like sucking hair
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
