And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Found the puke drawer
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
