WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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