I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
