she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
