I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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