Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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