pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
