i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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