O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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