Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
