ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
