Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
