i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
