Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
