mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
