Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We're too hungover to prance.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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