did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
