i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
