she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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